What Does Confidence Actually Look Like?
Continue the Conversation
What does confidence actually look like?
Is it walking into a room without doubting yourself? Knowing exactly what you're doing? Speaking the loudest? Feeling completely comfortable in your own skin?
Or is confidence sometimes much quieter than that?
Maybe it’s having a go when you’re not entirely sure what you’re doing. Sharing something before it feels perfect. Trying, failing, learning and trying again. Perhaps confidence isn’t something we have to find before we begin — perhaps it’s something we build because we began.
If this episode of The Third Conversation made you think differently about confidence, here are some ways to keep exploring.
Read
Do Fly — Gavin Strange
A brilliant place to continue this particular conversation. Gavin explores creativity, curiosity, making things and giving yourself permission to have a go — without waiting until you feel completely ready or qualified.
The Confidence Gap — Russ Harris
Explores the idea that action can come before confidence, rather than waiting for fear or self-doubt to disappear.
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway — Susan Jeffers
A classic exploration of fear, uncertainty and what happens when we choose to act despite them.
The Gifts of Imperfection — Brené Brown
A reflection on authenticity, vulnerability and letting go of the pressure to appear perfect.
Mindset — Carol S. Dweck
Explores how our beliefs about ability, effort and learning can influence the way we respond to challenges and mistakes.
Listen
How to Fail with Elizabeth Day
Conversations about the failures, mistakes and setbacks that often shape people’s lives more than their successes.
The Diary of a CEO
Selected episodes explore confidence, self-belief, performance and the gap between outward success and internal experience.
Creative Pep Talk
A podcast for creatives about making work, getting unstuck and continuing even when confidence is inconsistent.
Watch
The Power of Believing That You Can Improve — Carol Dweck (TED)
A useful introduction to growth mindset and the power of not yet.
The Power of Vulnerability — Brené Brown (TEDxHouston)
A reminder that courage and vulnerability may be far more closely connected than we sometimes imagine.
Gavin Strange — talks and creative work
Explore Gavin’s talks on creativity, making things, embracing curiosity and giving yourself permission to begin before you’re brilliant.
Try Something
Confidence doesn't only grow through thinking about it. Sometimes we have to give ourselves a little evidence.
Choose something you've been avoiding because you don't feel confident enough — and make the first version deliberately small.
Start a “proof I can do hard things” note and add the moments you would normally dismiss as ordinary.
Ask for feedback on something before it feels perfect.
Notice the people who leave you feeling more able to be yourself — and those who leave you questioning yourself.
Try something playful that you have absolutely no intention of becoming “good” at.
And take a look at your social feeds. What happens when you unfollow, mute or step away from the things that repeatedly pull you into comparison?
Take a Moment to Reflect
Where am I confident simply because I have practised?
Where am I waiting to feel confident before I act?
What is the difference between confidence and courage for me?
Whose opinion has too much influence over my confidence?
How do I respond when I make a mistake?
What would “happy failing” look like in my life or work?
And where might I actually need more support, rather than more self-belief?
Continue the Conversation
There was one question from the conversation that feels worth carrying beyond the episode:
Complete the sentence: “Confidence is…”
An ever-moving beast?
A garden?
Always evolving?
Something you practise?
Something else entirely?
Ask someone else how they would finish the sentence. You might be surprised by how different their answer is from yours.
And if you want to share yours more widely, continue the conversation using #TheThirdConversation.
Because the conversations that change us rarely happen first.